Look at her;
she's walking down the promenade,
Her hips swaying gently
giving the illusion she's dancing.
Look at her -
she's having a private masquerade;
You know her,
but she's too beautiful for you.
Too beautiful,
too beautiful to be real.
Too beautiful,
too beautiful to stand alone on a pedestal.
Her long legs promising hot nights,
her body swaying to the mute rhythm.
Her eyes are hot, beckoning you to kidnap her,
Her eyes are cold,
forbidding you to touch her.
'Cause she's...
Too beautiful,
Too beautiful to believe she's real,
Too beautiful, but standing alone on a pedestal.
You think you know her,
(mystery) woman in high heels.
But while stalking her, you only get rejected.
Under a phony appearance there's just a child.
But you don't understand.
'Cause she's...
She'd give anything to be free
And you'd take her in your life.
'Cause she's too beautiful,
but with a soul of a broken child.
She beckons you to follow her into heaven;
But she's riding you into hell.
'Cause she's too beautiful.
Too beautiful to be real,
Too beautiful, and broken, and put on a pedestal.
Irena, pozdravljena, nekaj popravkov ali predlogov za pesem, ki bi se dobro pela:)
LPJ!
giving the illusion she dances. an illusion of her dancing / (that) she's dancing
Ker je lirski objekt opazovan, je zaradi neposrednosti doživljanja oz. interpretacije privida primernejši Present Continuous she's dancing namesto she dances.
too beautiful to stand alone on the/a? pedestal.
Her long legs promising for? hot nights,
promising for - promising v pridevniški funkciji
promising sth - promising v deležniški funkciji (primernejše za ta kontekst)
Bi pa mogoče razmislila o kakšnem drugem glagolu namesto promise za zvezo
"her long legs promise hot nights" zveni precej ohlapno
Too beautiful, but stnading standing alone on the/a? pedestal.
You think you know her,
(mystery) woman in high heels.
But while pursuing her, you only get banned.
pursue? meni zveni to bolj kot stalk:)
get banned - težko interpretiram v pesem ...
Too beautiful, and broken, and put on a/the? pedestal.
Vau!
Hvala za komentar, bom malce predelala kot predlagano. Se pa opravičujem za pozen odgovor, zadnje čase je moja muza bolj na strani pisanja. :)
pursuing bom definitivno zamenjala s stalking, kot predlagano.
Standing - popravljeno. (Se opravičujem - špageti prsti.)
Nisem se še čisto odločila med a/the pedestal, toda se bolj nagibam bolj k a, zaradi liričnosti, dramatičnost pa me 'cuka' v smer the. Kaj bi bilo bolj smiselno da bi bila pesem pevna?
Banned - lahko bi sicer zamenjala za stopped, restricted, mogoče get limited... Še ne vem.
Hvala za komentar, mi je definitivno polepšal dan in pesem :D
Lep jesenski pozdrav,
Irena
Komentiranje je zaprto!
Napisal/a: Irena Blazinšek
Uredniško pregledano.
Ocenjevanje je zaključeno!