No, saj se ne mudi : ) 

Bi bil pa zelo vesel, če bi mi pesem zazvenela po angleško, ker se mi zdi, da bi ji ta jezik ustrezal : )

Lp, Marko : )

Zdravo, Marko,

a veš, da sem tudi sam razmišljal o tej pesmi v angleščini že nekaj časa nazaj. Do jutri bom poskusil pokomentirati tvoj prevod in ga popraviti, kolikor bom le lahko ter predlagati nekaj stvari.

Lp, shadyyy

Shadyyy, res se ne mudi in me veseli, da si tudi ti pomislil na angleško verzijo : )

Sicer pa imaš moje dovoljenje, če bi katera izmed mojih pesmi rada zazvenela v tvojem angleškem prevodu ; )

Lp, Marko : )

Tukaj so popravki. Ker sem to delal hitro, je zagotovo še nekaj napak, jaz sem večinoma poskušal popraviti predvsem slovnične in slogovne. Ko boš uspel, lahko pokomentiraš, kako se ti zdi.

It's Monday and I am a single mother who has gave birth to a stillborn baby a few hours ago in the only free hospital free of charge in Monrovia gave birth to a stillborn baby and who offers you one of the five of own her five children, that will be easier to feed the remaining four easier. 

 

It's Tuesday and I'm a twelve-year-old boy, which is who shot the bus driver and the twelve passengers exactly at noon in the Old Town Guatemala City with M-16 shoot  to become a full fledged full-blooded member of the mara and to finally get the number thirteen tattoed. 

 

It's Wednesday's and I am a little girl trapped in Gaza, who was left with no skin on the right leg after a bomb attack at night and who cannot see the ruins nor the morning sun because of blindness, feeling just unbearable pain, with no relief.which is at night when the bombing remained without skin on right leg and because blindness can not see no ruins not the morning sun, just feel unbearable pain, without relief. 

It's Thursday and I'm a police officer who was at dusk with three more colleagues raped two teenage girls with three more colleagues at dusk and hanged them on the neem tree and tomorrow will be the large number of eternal suspects detained in one of the police stations in Pradesh. detained the large number of suspects eternal. 

It's Friday and I'm a rat that is removed eight fingers to a sleeping child in the early morning hours on the street in Addis Ababa to sleeping child with surgical precision remove eight fingers and shamelessly ate them for breakfast. 

 

It's Saturday and I'm a corpse which that afternoon landed on a military aircraft landed at the airport in Eidenhoven in the afternoon and forensics will confirm that I a week ago I was a scientist who has discovered a new cure for AIDS. 

 

It's Sunday, Your/your day. Please unscrew the fuses, because I so want to be me so bad. 

The poet, who writes ...

Lp

Shadyyy, meni se zdi v redu, (in se mi lepo bere, čeprav bi raj pravilneje slišal brati koga drugega : ) kolikor lahko opazim, le bolnišnica je edina brezplačna in ne edina prosta, pa kirurška natančnost in del Pradeša sta ti izpadla. Hvala ti za trud, zlat si! 

Lp, Marko : )

It's Monday and I'm single mother who gave birth to a stillborn baby a few hours ago in the only hospital free of charge in Monrovia

and who offers you one of her five children, to feed the remaining four easier. 

 

It's Tuesday and I'm a 12-year-old boy, who shot the bus driver and the twelve passengers exactly at noon in the Old Town Guatemala City with M-16 to become a full-blooded member of the mara and to finally get the number thirteen tattoed. 

 

It's Wednesday and I'm a little girl trapped in Gaza, who was left with no skin on the right leg after a bomb attack at night

and who cannot see the ruins nor the morning sun because of blindness, feeling just unbearable pain, with no relief.

It's Thursday and I'm a police officer who raped two teenage girls with three more colleagues at dusk and hanged them on the neem tree

and tomorrow will be the large number of eternal suspects detained in one of the police stations in Uttar Pradesh. 

It's Friday and I'm a rat that removed eight fingers with surgical precision to a sleeping child

in the early morning hours on the street in Addis Ababa and shamelessly ate them for breakfast. 

 

It's Saturday and I'm a corpse that landed on a military aircraft at the airport in Eidenhoven in the afternoon

and forensics will confirm that a week ago I was a scientist who has discovered a new cure for AIDS. 

 

It's Sunday, your day. Please unscrew the fuses, because I want to be me so bad. 

The poet, who writes ...

Marko, hvala za komentar. Za tiste izpadle dele pa se opravičujem, ker sem sproti popravljal in mi je zato marsikaj ušlo. Niti ni nujno, da je vse prav.

Fino bi bilo tudi, če bi še mogoče urednica Jupiter kaj pokomentirala, saj obvlada to področje.

Lp, shadyyy :)

Shadyyy, ni se ti treba opravičevati, napake se dogajajo tudi najboljšim : ) Če se ti še kaj utrne, dobrodošel. Hvala, še enkrat.

Bom poprosil Jupiter, da pokuka, ko bo imela čas.

Lp, Marko : )

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Pozdravljena, Marko in shadyyy. Za osnovno sem vzela vajin prevod in ga malo predelala. Besedilo ni lahko, ker je vsaka posamezna kitica sestavljena iz ene same povedi. Dovolila sem si, da sem vsako poved vsaj na enem mestu razdelila na dve samostojni (sledila sem zgradbi nedeljske kitice). Če želiš imeti samo eno poved, je seveda tudi to možno. Nadaljnja značilnost poročevalskega jezika v pesmi je, da vsaka poved vsebuje izredno veliko okoliščin, ki opisujejo dogodek: kdaj, kje, s čim, kako, zakaj, čemu ... Mestoma tak način upovedovanja zveni v angleščini jezikovno kalorično. In še glede rabe člena. Izbral si nedoločni člen, možen bi bil tudi določni. Nedoločni člen kaže na doslej neidentificirano osebo in njeno dejanje, določni člen pa od bralca (ali s perspektive pišočega) pričakuje, da osebo poveže z določenim dogodkom - s tem, o katerem smo že slišali - zdaj pa še identificiramo dejanskega storilca ali prizadetega. Lp, Jupiter!

LIVE

 

It's Monday. I'm a/the single mother that gave birth to a stillborn baby a couple of hours ago in Monrovia's only hospital with free maternity services and who's offering you one of her five children to feed the rest easier.

 

It's Tuesday. I'm a/the 12-year-old boy that shot a bus driver and twelve passengers with an M16 at noon sharp in the historical center of Guatemala City to become a full member of the Mara and finally have the #13 tattooed.

 

It's Wednesday. I'm a/the little girl trapped in Gaza that the night bomb raid left with no skin on the right leg and, now blind, can see neither the ruins nor the morning sun, feeling but unbearable pain, with no relief.

 

It's Thursday. I'm a/ the police officer who together with another three colleagues gang-raped two teenage girls at dusk and hanged them on a neem tree. Tomorrow will see a number of eternal suspects detained at one of the police stations in Uttar Pradesh.

 

It's Friday. I'm a/the rat that with surgical precision removed eight fingers from a sleeping child in an Addis Ababa street earlier this morning and had the nerve to eat them for breakfast.

 

It's Saturday. I'm a/the corpse that arrived on a military aircraft at Eidenhoven Airport in the afternoon. The forensic examiners are going to confirm that only a week ago I was a/the scientist who discovered a new cure for AIDS. 

 

It's Sunday, your day. Please unscrew the fuses, I just need to be me so bad.

 

A/The poet that writes...

Hvala, Silvana za tvoj trud in čas. Nimam pripomb: ) 

Mi je všeč rešitev z dvema povedima, pa mogoče se sedaj res bolj nagibam  k uporabi določnega člena.

Hvala še enkrat!

Lp iz drugega nadstropja, Marko : )

Tudi tebi hvala, Marko. Drži se - drugega nadstropja:) Nekaj poročanja "v živo" z našega konca pred enim tednom:

Petek je in jaz sem krap, ki je v zgodnjih jutranjih urah ob mokrem soju novembrskih sveč na Bračičevo ulico v Cerknici spečemu otroku z vezalko v gobcu prinesel levi pohodni čevelj. Še zdaj se išče.

Ko že omenjaš drugo nadstropje:)

LpJ!

Silvana, najraje imam druga nadstropja, prav pridejo ; ) 

Upam, da si bila na suhem v dneh, ko je vladal element vode. (najbrž bi lahko napisala ribjo pesem)

Andersonu sem dal dovoljenje, da naslovi film Pesmi iz drugega nadstropja ; )

Lp, Marko : )

Marko, pa naj bo ena ribja:

http://www.pesem.si/a/objava/prikaz/99858/predpotopni_izliv_delte

Posvečeno vsem ribicam, človeškim in drugim, ki so preživele poplave:)

LPJ!

Meni je najbolj všeč osrednji del : ) 

Kot samostojna pesem bi lahko nosil naslov Krap, da te kap ...

Lp, Marko : )